


「Home feels like being right beside you」

by SnazzySkeletons



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: ;-), Angst, Depression, Horrible Puns, I mean there's fluff?, I'll tag as I go, Kinda, M/M, My First Undertale Fanfic, Pacifist Route, Poor Me, Poor Papyrus, Poor Sans, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Undertale Genocide Route, Undertale Reset Issues, Undertale Saves and Resets, dark themes, i guess, im a loser rip, its pretty self expunatory, suicide ?, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-07-21 18:18:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7398400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnazzySkeletons/pseuds/SnazzySkeletons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If this was the worst of it, things can only get better......right?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The human books repeated the same thing, something along the line of, "Fake it till you make it" and Sans did just that. He kept up the large grin, the droopy eyes, and the lazy facade. Sometimes he would drag himself off his mattress to eat but most of the time he spent motionless in bed till Papyrus had to literally throw him out of his room.

"YOU'VE BEEN HOLED UP IN THERE FOR TWO MONTHS, SANS! YOU BARELY EAT OR MOVE! WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH YOU?"

Sans burrowed deeper into his jacket, hands clenching inside his pockets as Papyrus waved his hands widely expressing his exasperation. "sorry, Paps," he said and his wide grin faltered for a split second but that was enough for Papyrus to get catch and the taller's arms dangled down to his side awkwardly. "I-IT'S OK. I JUST NEEDED TO KNOW IF YOU WERE OK, YOU SEEM SO DOWN THESE DAYS."

Sans shifted his eyes to his feet, feeling Papyrus's stare boring into him and he shrugged. "yeah, i know Papy. i'm just...bone dead tired is all." He was expecting some sort of complaint from the lame pun but when he looked up, all he saw was worried eyes and he flinched when Papyrus's voice dropped from it's usual loudness.

"Brother, if there's anything wrong, y-you know you can tell me. I can help - I want to help."

but you can't.

"you already do Papy, don't worry so much about me, ok?"

"I -..." Papyrus began before he shook his head slowly and nodded, "Ok..."

Sans breathed out a sigh of relief mentally, eyes darting to the clock before he snapped his fingers together, scaring Papyrus a bit, "now, if you don't hurry, you'll be late to training."

The tension in the room suddenly dropped as Papyrus jumped, fumbling for a plate of (now cold) spaghetti from the kitchen counter and shoving it in Sans's direction before hurrying to run out the door with that familiar smile of his. "YES, I MUSTN'T BE LATE! EAT THAT SANS AND I'LL BE HOME SHORTLY!"

Sans smiled back at him, giving a small wave, "sure thing bro."

 

* * *

 

Sans didn't know what started it. It was just this dark cloud that seemingly appeared out of nowhere and started to hang over his head. Sometimes the air was so thick with the swirling thoughts of misery that he thought it was nearly visible so he'd find some sort of excuse to hide from Papyrus.

He didn't want his brother to see him like this but the depression hung on his shoulders like a boulder and it weighed him down. At times like that, he wanted to be as strong as Undyne, emotionally and physically so he could just pick up the boulder and throw it across town. How pathetic really, a bit of sadness and he can't even do anything for months on end.

The small skeleton was now left staring blankly at the plain wall in his room, a plate of spaghetti in his lap as he chewed slowly and thinking, what happened? Sans felt his nonexistent insides churn disgustingly and he let out a heavy sigh before placing the plate of spaghetti on the floor.

He could usually put it off, letting the emotions swell up inside of him but sometimes, the ugly, bitter black just caught up to him and swallowed him in the current and he just drowned.

He let himself lay down then and break a little more, bit by bit.

Papyrus was already heading up the stairs when he felt the intense rattling in the house and the magical surge from Sans's room. He ran as fast as he could to his older brother and threw open the door, practically falling to his knees as the room quaked and groaned harshly.

Sans was buried in his blue jacket, hands clawing at his skull as he screamed dark nonsense into the air, causing the pressure in the room to increase and Papyrus resorted to crawling towards his brother who was encased in dangerously beautiful cerulean. He knew Sans had fits and attacks that started way beyond his comprehension but this was on a whole new level he'd never seen before or at least remember.

The air in his nonexistent lungs felt like it was being ripped right out of him as he pulled himself up the mattress and the taller skeleton wheezed as he gripped onto Sans's shaking form and pulled him close to his chest, rocking him slowly. "Sans, p-please calm down. You're ok. Please please please. You're ok. Whatever you're feeling or seeing isn't real. Calm down. Please Sans, I need you. Breathe and relax. Breathe."

Papyrus was desperately pleading now as Sans shook violently in his arms and he could feel his scarf getting wet against his neck. He didn't know if it was from Sans or him but he didn't care enough to check as he felt himself weep softly.

The pressure in the room slowly deflated after what seemed like hours and Papyrus let himself breathe, not noticing that he'd been holding his breathe the entire time. Not like he could breathe when he felt like he was being smothered to death anyways.

Sans was quiet and still now. He seemed to have stop sobbing, and shaking, and shouting those horrible words of; "i'm sorry. he didn't deserve it. forgive me. save me please. i really am sorry. kill me. i'm so so sorry. please. please. don't touch him. kill me. save him. please. stop. he loves you. I loved you. stop. sorry. save me. shut up. don't touch him. please. help me. don't hurt him. stop. I'm sorry. StOp. PLEasE. LeT hiM gO. DoNT TOuch hiM. PLEasE. KiLL Me. KiLL ME. kiLL mE PleaSE. HeLP Me."

Papyrus felt another fit of tears burning at the corners of his eye sockets as he let the slurred words replay in his mind but he blinked quickly till the tears dissipated.

Sans had to deal with so much and he just pretends everything is ok when it won't ever be. It's his fault for going along with it for this long though, isn't it? He could've reached out to his brother sooner, he could've helped Sans. Why was he so much of a coward? Undyne would be so disappointed in him. He didn't deserve to be a royal guard, not when he couldn't even protect his own brother.

From himself.

Papyrus spent the rest of the night curled up against Sans and he thinks this was the most peaceful his brother had looked in ages. He didn't look like all his problems in the world vanished when he slept, most of the time it got worst but the desperately lost and lonely look on Sans's face ebbed away just a bit and the anger he held in seemed to die down as Papyrus's warmth seeped into his cold bones.

It was nice. A sad, nostalgic reminder of old times, when things were better but if this was the worst of it, things can only get better.

Right?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoops idk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt bad for not updating since I'm busy and not feeling very inspired and since I'd hate fillers, I just cut the unfinished second chapter in half and posted only the parts I had written.
> 
> I didn't care to check for mistakes so tell me if you see any.

Sans was stirred awake by the semi-uncomfortable itch of warmth settled into his bones and he tried to wiggle around just to get caught in a strong grip. At this point he was panicking. He couldn't remember going out or anyone entering the house so who the fuck was this? He tried shifting around to face this mysterious bundle of warmth but a skeletal hand lightly grazed the bottom of his ribs and he shivered. Wait - _skeletal hand?_

Sans jumped upright, practically tearing the skeletal limbs off his body as he scooted away but yelped when he fell face first onto the cold floor. He groaned quietly, reaching up to rub at his sore cheek with a frown.

"Sans?"

Said skeleton whipped around, staring dumbly at his brother who looked quite tired and worried. His voice was dripping with drowsiness and he looked like he slept ok but exhaustion still hung to the bottom of his eye sockets. Sans wondered if he looked the same.

"Are you ok?"

His brain seemed to still be asleep, running sluggishly because he could see his brother's mouth move and hear the words but, was that a question? For him?

_Of course it is! Who else would it be for?_

"uh.....yeah," was his stupid reply.

Papyrus was getting up now. Moving his legs carefully and then he was trying to reach for the smaller skeleton but Sans flinched back as his brother's fingers nearly made contact with his arm. He felt jumpy all of a sudden. "i - uh...it's almost eight and i'm starving Paps. let's go make some breakfast spaghetti to eat."

Papyrus retracted his hand hesitantly and nodded as he watched Sans pick himself up. A questioning look was on his face and Sans sighed, "is there something wrong?"

"NO! I JUST....D-Do you remember what happened yesterday? Anything at all?"

Sans frowned, knitting his nonexistent eyebrows together and thought hard. "no? why? did something happen, besides you getting into my bed? how'd you get there anyways? you nearly scared me right out of my skin Papy."

"You have no skin, Sans....OH MY GOD, TERRIBLE! ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE!"

Sans was laughing now, loud laughter as he watched his brother stomp his feet and screech about the horrendous art of puns he had acquired a liking to.

_He avoided your question though._

Oh well.

"Oh, come on Papyrus! Your words wound me so! I quite liked that one, did it get under _your skin_?"

"SANS!"

"haha."

Yeah, this was good. No heavy tension, just light hearted jokes and that familiar loudness to Papyrus's voice that turned heads either from curiosity or just that it carried a certain tone to it, the tone of an important person.

He was sure the most important person in Sans's life.

"you're smiling Paps."

"I KNOW! AND I HATE IT! BUT SO ARE YOU!"

"what d'ya mean? i'm always smiling, i'm a pretty cool guy and there's plenty of grins to give out there."

"IT JUST SEEMS LESS....STRAINED."

Sans was a bit confused now, nervously picking at the ends of his sleeves because he didn't know where this was going, at all. "how so?"

"LESS LIKE IT'S HARD TO EVEN PUT UP A SMALL SMILE - LESS LIKE IT'S TOO HEAVY TO HOLD UP ANYMORE."

Papyrus noticed that? Damn, his brother was cool but Sans thought he faked it pretty well since it's been years for him to practice smiling like he was actually fine, smiling like he used to. I guess sometimes you fake and lie so much you forget if it's even real either. At least he's made it past "Fake it till you make it."

Not really.

"i don't know Paps, i think it's because yours is so bright and you smile all the time, it makes mine dull in comparison."

"I DON'T THINK EITHER OF US CAN STOP SMILING EVEN IF WE WANTED TO."

"guess we're just smile kind of guys," he said, shrugging.

"I SUPPOSE SO."

"now, where's my spaghetti Paps? it's getting impastable to wait. fettuccime some."

"DEAR GOD, WHY?"

"That was the perfect oppennetunity"

"I'M GOING NOW!"

"ok, ok, wait up Papy."

 

* * *

 

Breakfast was the same as usual. They ate, Papyrus talked about his new achievements during the training he had with Undyne, and Sans just listened (and maybe cracked a few puns, it's all good).

Papyrus was animatable and would never bore him like the shows (show) on TV, or the dull drone of the chats in Grillby's, or even the human books they found at the dump. He thought he had his brother figured out once or twice, like a complex algebraic formula that just took time and different approaches but Papyrus was just full of surprises and Sans couldn't help but think that it was a wonderful thing.

He would admit, he got bored easily, things got uninteresting over time and nothing seemed to intrigue him. Life seemed like a burden. There was nothing new to discover, nothing changed, he was stuck doing the same things over and over again and he would've given up trying to go on if it wasn't for his bother.

Papyrus was a gift really. He was always so kind and patient at times, a giver with a warm heart and an even warmer smile. Sans could remember when he used to be a shitty brother. He was always so jealous of Papyrus. The younger skeleton was always so nice, made friends so easily, was the definition of innocence that didn't belong in his view of life. He was too trusting too, and bothersome, and insistent. He tested Sans's boundaries constantly but every time he had snapped at the younger, Papyrus would come back with a big hug and Sans melted at that.

He came to love Papyrus soon after; as a friend, as a brother, as family. Sans didn't do feelings back then, he didn't hold them for anyone unless it was anger, jealousy, bitterness, dislike, and passion for his work. He was truly grateful to have someone like Papyrus in his life and he wondered how it was possible he had managed such a right thing in his wrong life.

"Brother? Brother, what's wrong?"

"what? nothing? what're you talking about - Papyrus....?"

Sans was lurching forward now, falling out of his chair as he gasped, clutching at his chest. The small skeleton gulped for air, wondering what the hell was happening and then he felt it, the world hiccuped. The room was getting colder by the second and Sans shivered violently as the air cut at his bones, "P-Papy?"

Sans tried to pull himself upright but just fell down again and he shook his head. Breathing was becoming a much harder task and he twisted his head to the side, catching sight of his brother's red scarf. He crawled over desperately, feeling his limbs grow heavy like he was dragging them through snow but he choked when he looked down at his hands, clenching the scarf like it was his lifeline.

There was dust everywhere.

Then there was laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first Undertale fanfiction, I'm going to go through so much trouble trying to write with no inspiration but oh well.
> 
> EDIT: I really am not into UT anymore and I've honestly dropped these fics especially because I'm not ok with where I put myself and like the content I'm writing including this "ship" like if I ever did finish or continue this I'd do it perhaps not as,,, shippy.


End file.
